If my life could be summed up into one word it would probably be restored.... and in two words New Life. Without any more back up plans, I'm completly relient on Jesus. Why did I even have back up plans? When I finally exhasted all of them it still all came down to fully trusting the one who had the answers all along. Yes I prayed and asked Him for direction, but did I really trust him? If I were to be blind folded and pushed off a cliff with no human way possible of surviving would I trust that He would be there to guide me? I say yes Lord I know you died on the cross for me and saved me from the reck I once was...yet do I really trust him? What is faith without trust? Yes I have faith, I know I'm going to heaven... I know I believe. Anyone can believe in a savior, but can I trust him with everything I have in me... not just with a job and a house but beyond that beyond all the securities that the world has to offer? If I were to wake up and be naked in the middle of some vast forest, without food, without shelter, without friends or family...would God be enough to sustain me? Would he really give me everything I needed and so much more? I guess that is what I'm willing to find out... if my faith is trully put to the test and I am bare before Him and the world what will happen? Will I fall... it is guarenteed will I get bruised and feel helpless at times... most likely and at times I already have...the question is... is it worth it? Jesus gave me His life and now am I willing to give Him myself... offer myself as a living sacrifice? If a cross were placed before me and man before me and if man asked if I was willing to die for what I believe in and if so to die on that cross. I don't want to hesitate not even for one moment.... I want to know one hundred percent that my answer would be yes. With that yes I wouldn't want there to be even a hint of meekness... fear... or sorrow... but a firm... piercing definate mighty spirit driven yes. With that strength to sustain me I can face anything because I will trust Him to be my sustaining life... the only thing I will ever need and nothing more.

Chin up my child, I hear my daddy say... and you know everything will be alright even when it feels like the world is falling apart.

Adam and I aren't together.... we went our separate ways.... my grandma passed away.... my pet died.... having financial struggles..... good friends are moving away.... but, you know what I'm going to press on. Even though life comes my way Jesus is Lord and He knows what it is like to have loss, and He knows what it means to dust your feet off and start over again. It doesn't mean I don't cry and I don't feel frustrated, and it doesn't mean that I have to put on a smile. However, God gave me the victory to Conquer defeat and eventhough I want to live under my covers, eventually, I will have to regain myself and I am remembering that out of my weakness will come His strength.  The devil comes to steal, kill ,and destroy,:he is the father of all lies, but, Jesus is the father of truth and life... I'm so glad that he is on my side.  Daniel was in a lions den and found victory, Noah was in a flood and came to dry land, Jonah was in a whale and was spit out, Esther's family was threatened and was going to be destroyed, but, she found her strength to intercede for her people, Moses rescued God's people even though he felt inadequate, Abraham in his old age was promised to multiply and be fruitful.... God is mighty and good!

My nephews tore through the presents this year at my parents house. It is great to be with family during Christmas, that's  the best part, aside from praising Jesus. I have a lot to look forward to this coming New Year, I'm beginning to explore life outside of College and work and extend my horizens. So many new beginnings, my church merged with another so our family more than doubled which has been amazing, I got a new job working as an assitant at a doctors office on top of the one I already have at Michigan State. College has been a bit of a struggle and my passions have had to go through trials. Up to this point I've decided that maybe school isn't for me. There are many ways to get to one destination and the Lord has taught me a lot about how even though things might look one way in my eyes His vision is so broad and unlimited. It isn't about the destination being the way I expect or hope it to be it is about the journey. It is hard for me to see life as a race any more. A race to me is going through life with only looking straight ahead and focusing on one goal, one vision, and nothing else. While following Christ should be the goal there are so many things I feel like I miss if I try to take the quickest path to a finish, or my ultimate vision. Even the vision is in the process of  beeing altered because the more I pray and read the Word the more I have mourned over not being where I desire to be. Instead I need to yearn to live full heartedly where I'm at at all times so that God can operate to His fullest in my life at the current time. I have learned to use Him as a compass and my destination is to get closer to Him; not to look 10 years down the road, not to look to my boyfriend, or my closest friends for direction, or even to my vision, but to look to Him. To have faith is to trust with ALL my heart and I have found that ALL my heart requires me not having the security blanket of every day life and letting go of my expectations. Trusting Him to lead my steps and in time trusting that His will will be done for my life.

Here is a bit of an update:

I'm taking a summer math course and I'm still working at Michigan State. I might have a new apartment if my parents are willing to co-sign the lease. It is pretty nice for student apartments and I'd get to live with my friend Stephanie, my cat * Sassy,two gerbils * Roxy and Billiard,and my betta fish *Chai Tea.

My older sister, Stephanie,and I have started taking belly dance lessons. My sister has already taken a class before so she lends me her "dance goddess" video which I must admit is quite funny. So after the video for the warm up we are to release our inner love goddess while doing this certain pose.  So we are doing this warm up in near histarics; I don't know maybe it's just one of those things where you have to be there.

God is still active in my life and ever faithful. Whenever I make mistakes He's always opened my mind and helped me realize that my identity isn't in my short comings. It isn't in the places I go, the people I meet or the things I do. It is to be in Him and Him alone. Not in my boyfriend or my vision will I ever find 100 percent fulfillment, but, only in Christ Jesus alone.

happy Jesus rose from the dead for you and me day!!!